I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
