And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
