Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
