she woke up with a sticky ear
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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