Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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