She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
