My nipple is on Facebook.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
