Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
is it fun? or sober?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
