I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
