Got a toothbrush?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
