I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
