Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
