know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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