I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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