You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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