remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize