Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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