Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
