So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
