tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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