During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love having hate sex.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize