So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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