Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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