Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
