i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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