He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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