Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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