Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
