STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
