If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I did not marry a roomba.
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