Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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