The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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