we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
