we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
