Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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