I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I bet he comes in French.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
