if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize