I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
