there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
