I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
