Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
