I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
