the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize