Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
