I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am in a vortex of obligation.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
