Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
