oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
