think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
