She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
