Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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