Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
