like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
