Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
