Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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