thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
