I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
