you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
