This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
