so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
