Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize