I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
