the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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