I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
