I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
