My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
