My balls are so social today.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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