So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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