I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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