I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
