Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize