omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
