How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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