If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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