the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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