Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Two words: blizzard sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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