first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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