the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
