Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
