the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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