The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize