put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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