I accidentally burped into my bong.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
