I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
