I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize