My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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