i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
