the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
