Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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