I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
