i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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