And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
