We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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