he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize