Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
