How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
