actually, I'm a sock model
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
