idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
