I'm so fucking centered right now
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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