Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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