The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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