This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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