Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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