question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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