Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
