I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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