I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He felt like a one man threesome
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
