She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize