Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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