your thong is hanging out like whoa
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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