So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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