his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
